


The Deep End

by Actual_Pixie, PitchGold



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Explanation: How Haru Has Friends, Gen, Imaginary Friends, M/M, Mental Instability, One-Sided Relationship, Other, POV Multiple, Paychological, Prepare for Lots of Flashbacks, Psychology, the one where Haru is crazy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-28 13:27:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Actual_Pixie/pseuds/Actual_Pixie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PitchGold/pseuds/PitchGold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most children have active imaginations. They play pretend and know when the game is over; Haruka doesn’t. But sometimes it's better to let them live in their little worlds. It's a coping mechanism. Haruka will let it go when the time was right, when he is ready to do so. That's what they all hope, at least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a boy in the water

Gou's first day at Iwatobi Swim Club is a rush of giddiness and new faces. Everyone wants to know who she is, where her family came from, if this is her first time swimming. It's not. Her family lived in Australia before moving to Japan, so she's spent a fair enough amount of time in the water to be comfortable, even if she's not the best, form-wise. But all the attention makes her nervous, so she hovers by the steps in the shallow end for a majority of practice, letting everyone assume what they want, until parents begin to arrive for their children.

 When the crowd has fizzled, Gou catches the attention of the one person who's ignored her all afternoon. He doesn't say anything, only passes his blue eyes over her as he pulls himself out of the pool.

 "Are you Haruka Nanase?" She asks. So far he's the only one who's impressed her enough for her to even consider as the prodigious young swimmer Iwatobi SC is known for. The boy grunts in recognition. Gou smiles. "You're as fast as they say!"

 He positions himself back on the starting block. Before he can leap off, Gou calls out to him again.

 "Can I swim with you?"

 "Do whatever you want."

 The simple answer is such a refreshing change from all the pleas to swim and show off she's received from the other club goers that she excitedly on the ledge beside him. She tests the strap of her goggles by tugging and letting it snap back into place.

 "Let's go, Haru-chan!"

 He spares her a quick glance. "Don't call me that," he says, and before she can even get into position he dives.

 

* * *

 

Haruka Nanase is a quiet boy. He draws attention only in the way he silently commands it, but just as soon as he catches the eye he slips out of focus, like water escaping through the gaps in one's fingers despite their desperate attempts to hold it in place. Water cannot be contained or controlled, and Haruka Nanase is much the same way. A willful child with a mind constantly lost to far-off daydreams. He does not let others in, but that's okay, because it is usually enough to just watch him. 

 He is beautiful, never more so than when he dives into the pool, forging a path through the water with his fingertips.

"The water is alive," he likes to say, and while the other kids giggle and call him 'water boy' once his back is turned, Gou believes him. How can anyone watch Haruka swim and think anything other than the water is alive, yearning to become one with him? The way he moves through water is so graceful, so natural.

"Haru-chan is like a dolphin," she says one day after practice. The tips of his ears turn pink and he quickly turns his head to the side.

 "Drop the -chan." 

He sounds annoyed. Gou worries her bottom lip and attempts to make amends. "Haruka then?" It's girly either way. Gou can relate to his embarrassment, having a boyish name herself, but she's never been ashamed or asked someone to call her by anything else when they attached '-kun' to her name. 

Haruka's features sharpen into a glare. "If you call me that, I'll never speak to you again."

 Gou hides her disappointment with a smile. It's always like this with him. Gou has long accepted that Haruka has only one friend, one person he lets see passed the barriers he's constructed for whatever reasons. Gou has never met him, but Haruka occasionally mentions him in passing. 

Makoto. A boy with a girly name, just like him. He doesn't go to the swim club, which is too bad, because Gou thinks if he did maybe Haruka would smile more, and maybe the older boys wouldn't pick on him so much. Haruka needs someone to protect him, even if he'd never admit it. 

When practice is finished for the day, Gou's mother picks her up. All the other children leave with their families or friends. 

Haruka rides his bicycle home alone.

 

* * *

Gou is passing by the boy's changing rooms when she hears it. 

"What's wrong, Haru-chan?" 

They usually hang up on him like this, in private when the coaches aren't around to overhear. A group of three or four older boys, fueled by jealousy. Typically Haruka acts like the bigger person by ignoring them, but Gou can tell it bothers him. Not enough to make him quit swimming – she doesn’t think anything has the power to keep him out of the water – but enough to make him distrustful of others. 

"Lay off the -chan." 

Gou hesitates by the entrance, unable to move on now that Haruka is defending himself verbally for once.

 "Why's that? Haruka is a girl's name, so it's only fitting, Haru-Chan."

 "I have a girly name, but I'm definitely a boy," Haruka snaps. 

"That so?” A boy laughs. “You don't really look like one." 

"Yeah,” another chimes in. “You're way too small." 

"And scrawny," adds a third. 

"And look, he's got such pretty, soft hair."

 Gou peeks around the corner to see one of the boys holding Haruka's arms in place and another petting Haruka's hair. The third gives a mocking bow.

 "Maybe we'll call you princess Haru-chan!"

 Haruka glares at the floor. His eyes are glassy but he doesn't cry, not even when one of the boys pushes him down.

 "Water princess, water princess!"

 Gou balls her hands into fists. She wants to burst in there, to yell at the boys to stop, but Haruka would never forgive her. He's already being teased because of his name; it'll only make it worse if a girl comes running to his rescue. Gou wishes she was a boy so that she could protect him. If she was a boy, she could beat the others up; she could make sure no one ever hurt Haruka again.

 But she's not a boy, and Haruka will have to learn to take care of himself.

 She wonders why, if they're friends, Makoto is never there when Haruka needs him. 

 

* * *

"H-Haru-chan, here!" Closing her eyes, she thrusts the gift into his hands. 

"I told you not to call me that," he grumbles, but she soon hears the crinkling of paper and cracks open her eyes to watch him lift the stuffed animal out of the bag. "It's a shark." 

"Well..." Gou flushes, trying to explain the gift without revealing too much. "Haru-chan's swimming reminds me of a dolphin. But dolphins are very gentle and can't always fight off other predators, so...so-" she gestured emphatically to the shark. "Sharks are the toughest animals around, right? It will definitely protect you!" 

Haruka's eyes widen, and Gou swears she catches a blush creep into his cheeks before he turns his head away. "Don't sharks eat dolphins?" 

Gou gasps. "This one wouldn't," she promises, hoping that will make up for her stupid lapse in judgment. How could she forget that? "A-anyways... I got it from the Real Iwatobi Nature Center. Have you ever been there?" Haruka shakes his head. "It's really cool, they have a big aquarium. Um.. If you don't like it, you can return it at the gift shop there." 

Haruka looks down at the small great white shark. His fingers curl possessively around the tail and dorsal fin. "No, I like it." 

For the first time Gou watches a smile bloom across his lips. It's beautiful.

 

* * *

She stays in Iwatobi just long enough to compete in the end-of-summer competition. Her parents see potential in her and so have enrolled her in a special swimming academy back in Australia. One day they hope she can compete in the Olympics. In the competition she swims butterfly and comes in second place. She could have done better, but she spent most of the race thinking about how much she would rather stay in Iwatobi with Haruka. She wants to get to know him better. She wants to meet Makoto.

 Haruka swims 100m freestyle and sets a new first-place record for his age group. No one helps him out of the pool, and no one is there to take him home when the competition ends. She sees him walking to the bike rack with the stuffed shark tucked under his arm. 

"I'm leaving," she says. He stops and tilts his head in her direction. "My parents are sending me back to Australia for school." 

Haruka slowly unlocks his bike from the rack. He sets the shark gently in the front basket, where Gou spots a plush orca already resides. 

"Haru-chan..." 

He pedals away without saying a word. 

She doesn’t get a chance to see him again before leaving. 


	2. timid boy

The water is warm. That is his favorite part about the ocean: at the end of summer it's the perfect temperature, and even Makoto can't complain or insist that they'll catch a cold if they soak too long. Haruka closes his eyes as another wave crawls up the shore, sliding along his feet all the way up to his ankles and half burying them in wet sand.

There is nothing else like the ocean, impossibly beautiful yet simultaneously so unforgivably vicious. Water in its living, breathing element; stealing the breath of others so it can billow out its own majesty in a typhoon or hurricane.

Absolutely beautiful.

Makoto sits next to him, but a little bit further up the beach. Haruka tilts his head back, squints against harsh rays of sunlight to catch a glimpse of him before another wave rushes up to tease along his stomach. Makoto is curled into himself, strong arms around his legs and eyes focused pointedly on his toes. He looks uncomfortable – afraid, even – but that can't be helped. It's been this way since they were little. Haruka can't understand because he loves the water, loves the gentle slide of it over his skin and the wet embrace when immersed fully in the crystal blue.

He's only asked Makoto once about this fear.

_It takes things,_  had been the answer, strangely familiar though Haruka couldn't place why. The words roll around in his mind now, in a child's soft, trembling voice.  _It takes things, and it doesn't give them back._

Haruka frowns as he considers what he can do. Aside from leaving the beach entirely, there's never much that can help Makoto, and Haruka doesn't want to go just yet. He reaches his hand out, closes his eyes as his fingers brush Makoto's ankle.

"It's calm," he says.  _Nothing can happen as long as I'm here_ , he wants to say. He runs his hand up to the baggy green swim trunks at Makoto's knee. He's never been good at comforting others – it makes him feel awkward, and he's sure there's something more he can do, something he can say, but he doesn't know what. The words are stuck in his mouth like cotton balls and he can't get them out no matter how much he wants to.  _I'd never let anything happen to you._

Haruka cracks his eyes back open and catches Makoto's slight nod. The touch has eased the tension in Makoto's shoulders, but Makoto's troubled expression still remains, steadfastly fixed on the sand under his feet.

A shriek from further down the beach startles Haruka and his head jerks to the side. Two adults set out a picnic as their children charge forward into the waves. The smallest of the boys looks a bit more hesitant, his hand fisted in the bottom hem of his mother knee-length shorts. He doesn't seem concerned about the water, though.

The boy is looking at Haruka.

Haru looks away, turns back to— nothing. Makoto is gone, Haruka's hand empty. He stretches his fingers out in the sand, the rough grains a poor substitute for Makoto's skin, but he's not surprised. Makoto looked nearly ready to bolt before. The shouts from the kids probably scared him. So easily frightened is his Makoto. It's such a contrast to his towering physique, but Haruka finds it endearing.

He sits up and shakes the sand from his hair. No doubt Makoto's waiting for him somewhere safer.

"Mommy, who's he talking to?" It's the little boy. Haruka blinks, looks from where the waves have already swallowed Makoto's footprints up to the family.

"You shouldn't stare at people," the mother says. She sounds distracted, or like she doesn't want to be bothered. Mothers should pay more attention to their children.

"He was talking," the boy insists, "and he keeps looking up like someone should be there."

Annoying.

Haruka briskly stands, throws his shirt on, and walks up the beach. He deliberately shoots the little boy a glare as he passes the family. He wants to be around people, he really does – it's just – he can't see any of them understanding him. They never did when he was younger, so he sees no reason why they would start now.

Makoto's the only one who gets it, the only one to stay by his side throughout the years. And yet, sometimes even that isn't enough. Sometimes it doesn't feel right – or rather, Haruka wants more...

He finds Makoto by the trees lining the boardwalk, facing away from the ocean. He's still afraid, but it's getting better. Slowly it's getting better for Makoto, even if only with Haruka.

Haru stops beside him and quirks a little half-smile. Makoto apologizes softly. There's nothing to forgive. When Makoto reaches out to grasp the hem of Haruka's sleeve, a nervous habit developed when they were still very young, Haru lifts his own hand and intercepts. Their fingertips bump against each other, a faint touch that causes Makoto to jump in surprise. Before he can withdraw, Haruka adjusts his hand and interlaces their fingers. Surprise dashes across Makoto's face before sea-green eyes shift timidly to meet Haruka's gaze.

It's a small and simple moment, but a part of Haru already cherishes it. Makoto's fingers tighten against his own, and he's still looking down at him. There's something expectant in his eyes. Haruka leans closer, certain he knows what it is and what to do, even if the compulsion is somewhat new to him. Even though Makoto's larger body should block it, a sharp wind still manages to ruffle Haruka's clothes and make him shiver, but it's okay, Haruka's not worried about that. He licks his lips and tilts his chin up and—

Another joyous shriek from the beach effectively breaks the spell. Haruka gives an exasperated huff and drops Makoto's hand. "Let's go home."

Makoto catches up to him with a long stride. Haruka blinks when he hooks their pinkies together, but doesn't comment on it.

Other people always seem so cruel to each other. Haruka has spent enough time silently observing to come to this conclusion. They always point to each other, faces twisting to match their ugly commentary. Haruka doesn't like it, doesn't like people, but he hates to be alone even more. He walks closely beside Makoto, too close for an ordinary friend – because Makoto isn't an ordinary friend.

Makoto is the sense of hope that dawns with each new morning, the calming reality that each sunset brings a new tomorrow. The cleansing feeling of water washing away the ugliness of the past, and the belief that one day the aching whole in his chest might be filled.

With Makoto, Haruka never has to feel alone. And so he'll never let Makoto go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This section was written by WinterierLionheart, edited by myself mainly to try and meld our writing styles together.
> 
> Just as a forewarning, as you've probably noticed, this story will jump around to different times as well as different points of view. My storytelling tends to do that a lot. This chapter is Haruka, around 15 yeas old.
> 
> Also, check out the spiffy cover art by WinterierLionheart. She is awesome. Go follow her on tumblr now!
> 
> See ya next time.


	3. to the depths of blue

The stuffed orca waits for him even before he is born, a gift from his paternal grandmother. From the day he comes home with his mother from the hospital the orca lays in the corner of his crib, keeping watch over him as he sleeps. In this way they have always known each other, but it isn't until Haruka is a tottering three-year-old that he begins to carry it around with him.

 He's a shy child, and maybe it's his mother's fault for leaving him at home with his grandmother so often instead of sending him to daycare but he doesn't seem to like other children. Whenever his mother takes him to the park - Haruka insisting the entire trip that the orca has to come along - he shows no interest in the other boys and girls. He sits on a swing with the stuffed orca and ignores everything else until it's time to go home.

It's normal for a toddler to attach himself to a toy, everyone says, especially one that's been with him since infancy. It’s like a security blanket, and Haruka will leave it behind once he’s old enough to understand he doesn’t need it. 

‘ ‘ ‘ 

On Haruka's fourth birthday, even the multitude of presents does not distract him from the orca for very long. 

"He'll grow out of it in time," says Haruka's grandmother. She indulges Haruka more than anyone, acquiescing to the conversations he has with the toy and even going so far as to wish the orca a good day every morning. 

“Should we really play into it like this?” Haruka’s mother is worried about her son. He’s a finicky child to begin with, and she doesn’t want to encourage anything that might further ostracize him from his peers. Children can be so mean to each other. 

“It makes him happy. That’s all we should want for our children.” 

‘ ‘ ‘ 

Haruka turns five and the orca has a name: Makoto. 

"Is it a girl?" His mother asks. 

Haruka shakes his head. "No, he's like me." 

Shortly after that, he requests everyone call him ‘Haru’ instead of his given name, the name passed down from his father’s side.  

' ' ' 

The night before his first day of school, Haruka is told Makoto has to stay home from now on.  Haruka throws a tantrum the likes of which his parents have never witnessed. Gone is their quiet, peaceful son, replaced by a thrashing, screaming little demon that claws at anyone who tries to get near him. 

He won't go to school, he swears; he hates it, and he hates his parents. 

His behavior upsets his mother so much she runs from the room in tears. The fuse on his father’s passive demeanor snaps at the blatant show of disrespect and he threatens to throw the orca in the garbage unless Haruka stops. The warning is enough. Haruka clutches the orca to his chest and scurries off to his room to cry himself to sleep. 

An hour later, his mother comes to fetch him. She wakes him up and carries him downstairs, and Makoto is allowed to join them at the dinner table. 

‘ ‘ ‘ 

"He's almost nine years old... He sleeps with it every night, takes it everywhere he possibly can. It still has to sit with us at the dinner table. If we try to take it away, he starts screaming. I don't know what to do, doctor." 

"I wouldn't worry about it so much, Nanase-san. Haruka-kun just has a very active imagination." 

Most children have active imaginations. They play pretend and know when the game is over; Haruka doesn’t. "But is it normal?" 

They both look at Haruka through the observation window. He sits across from Makoto, with two toy penguins between them, and they can practically see the silent conversation going on in his mind with the way deep blue eyes dart back and forth between the different toys. 

After a moment, the doctor sighs. "There are certainly worse behaviors he could be exhibiting. Does his father spend much time with him?" 

"Not as much as he'd like. Work keeps him very busy." 

The doctor nods. "Perhaps there are some after-school clubs he can get involved in? I think it would do him good to be more socialized. Does he like any sports?" 

She frowns, thinks a moment. "He likes the water.” 

‘ ‘ ‘ 

Haruka joins the Iwatobi Swim Club that summer, and the change is almost instantaneous. He's still shy around other kids, but he puts forth an effort, if only because it's impossible for him not to attract attention once he gets into the pool. He's a fast learner, a natural, and soon he can swim circles around even the older students. 

His parents attend his first tournament, where Haruka wins first place for his age group's 100m freestyle. It seems the doctor was right, the swim club just the thing to cure Haruka’s dependency on his stuffed animal companion. Haruka still sleeps with the orca at night, but he doesn't carry it around with him everywhere like he used to. 

Without the burden of constantly worrying over her son's health, Haruka's mother accepts a promotion at work. It means longer hours at the office and frequent trips out of town, but Haruka seems fine with the change. 

They don't make it to another of his competitions, and they don't notice when a plush shark mysteriously joins the stuffed orca on Haruka's bed.  

‘ ‘ ‘

 _Flashing lights, screeching tires, a blaring horn – water surrounding him, everywhere, but it isn’t comforting, it isn’t like usual, it’s painful and suffocating, and maybe he understands a little bit why people are afraid of the ocean—_  

"Nanase-kun, you were in an accident. Do you remember? Your parents... Nanase-kun, are you listening?" 

 _Something pulls him up, but he keeps reaching down, grasping desperately for a hand that had been holding onto him – his parents – his parents drifting further and further out of his reach –_

"They've gone away," Haruka says, staring at the ceiling of the hospital room. "They've gone far away. I know." 

‘ ‘ ‘ 

Even though he’s a few years older, it’s worse when his grandmother dies. She’d not been in the best health for a long time, but hating to see her only grandson sent to an orphanage she still insisted on continuing to act as his guardian. More often than not, Haruka would take care of her: preparing her meals and spoon feeding them to her, helping her in and out of her wheelchair when walking becomes too much, and taking her to all of her doctor’s appointments. In the last hours he sits constant vigil by her bedside, Makoto faithfully beside him. 

Despite everything Haruka does, she dies. 

For three entire days Haruka doesn't eat, and it's even longer he refuses to speak to anyone but the orca. 

‘ ‘ ‘ 

The Tachibanas live at the bottom of the shrine steps that lead to Haruka’s house. They are a nice young couple, friendly and nurturing but never able to have children of their own. It’s a shame, because Mayumi Tachibana especially would make a wonderful mother. She gives the warmest hugs, not just to Haruka but Makoto as well. 

“He’s very handsome,” she compliments, the first time Haruka introduces Makoto to her. She knows all about the orca, of course. When she agreed to watch over him until he could live on his own, Haruka’s grievance counselor handed her a thick packet of session notes with a look that clearly asked, _are you sure?_  

She hadn’t been sure at first. But the instant Haruka holds the stuffed orca up and declares Makoto can be her son since she doesn’t have one of her own, she vows to do whatever it takes to protect this special boy. 

“Look,” she says, mustering a smile. “I think he has my eyes!” 

‘ ‘ ‘

It’s a trial on their marriage, on their relationships in general. Haruka is fourteen years old but he’s nearly helpless as a child. He doesn’t like going new places, especially doesn’t like meeting new people. Hosting dinner parties or going out with friends is simply out of the question; they can’t have unfamiliar faces over and he can’t be left alone. 

They don’t argue about it, because in their hearts they know taking him in was the right thing to do. Despite his many oddities Haruka is a loveable boy, but he’s left a noticeable strain between husband and wife, a tired shadow that hangs under their eyes, dragging their steps in the morning. 

Although he is slow on the uptake of some things – like the fact that it’s indecent to strip down to his unders in public, or that it’s rude to ignore people talking to him, or that wearing a swimsuit in the tub negates the purpose of bathing – Haruka is quite observant to the waning spirit of their little family. Every so often he does something for them, as if to make up for the toil of raising him. Sometimes it’s a present, handmade like the few seashell necklaces on her dresser, or purchased, like the dolphin keychain from the market. 

“Tachibana-san, I made breakfast,” Haruka announces, chest puffed as he carries two plates to a kitchen table already set for the three of them plus Makoto. The orca has a permanent seat at their table right beside Haruka. 

Cooking is his latest habit. Mayumi isn’t surprised when a small filet of fish, slightly charred around the edges, is placed before her. “Mackerel again, Haru-chan?” Haruka’s expression sours. He has a strange aversion to his name, which is understandable to an extent since ‘ _Haruka_ ’ is rather feminine – though it doesn’t explain why he gave the orca an equally feminine name and doesn’t insist on abbreviating it, if Makoto is really supposed to represent himself and his insecurities like the doctors all insist.  

Haruka ducks his head. “It’s a little burned. I can’t get the cooking temperature right...” 

Mayumi takes an exaggerated bite of the fish. Mackerel has never been her favorite, but for Haruka’s sake she pretends to savor it. “It’s quite good,” she compliments, and its not a complete lie if she eats around the burned pieces. 

“I don’t think Makoto likes it.” 

The plate in front of the orca stays untouched, like always. Mayumi wonders at all that is unknown about the human mind, and disregards the fervent talks she and her husband have at night in order to cheer Haruka up. “That’s because his favorite is green curry.” 

Haruka blinks at her, and then his eyes widen in understanding. “Right. Next time I’ll make that,” he promises Makoto. Haruka hates green curry, overturned his plate in a childish fit the first time Mayumi made it for dinner, but Mayumi is certain he’ll try cooking it anyways, if it’s for Makoto. 

“You shouldn’t do that,” her husband reprimands when Haruka leaves the room to fetch the tea. He rubs a hand at the circles under his eyes, then pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “You’re only encouraging it.” 

Mayumi gives a helpless smile. What else can she do?  

‘ ‘ ‘ 

Six months after Haruka moves in with them, in a striking twist of fate, Mayumi finds out she’s pregnant. 

“Makoto and I will have a brother or sister?” Haruka asks, frowning. What he really means, _are we not enough_ , is clear in his eyes.

 The Tachibanas exchange a worried look. 

That night they speak in hushed tones. Haruka is a handful on his own, and Mayumi is expecting twins. How on earth are they going to do this? It won’t be fair to Haruka or the new babies; both will need the Tachibanas’ full attention. 

“But how will he survive on his own?” Mayumi worries. 

There’s time to think about it. Her husband insists they’ll figure out a solution before the twins arrive. 

‘ ‘ ‘

Ren and Ran are born in early spring. The house is crowded and noisy. Haruka spends a majority of his time locked in his room with Makoto. Sometimes he plays with the twins, but mostly he keeps his distance. He covers his ears tightly whenever one of the babies cry. 

On his next birthday he’s legally old enough to live on his own. He goes back to his old house, which his parents left for him in their will. The Tachibanas try to talk him out of it – they can make it work, they can all be a family – but Haruka won’t be persuaded. 

“Come by any time, Haru-chan,” Mayumi says, after all of Haruka’s belongings have been packed away again. 

“It’s Haru,” Haruka corrects, but nods anyways. 

Mayumi offers an apologetic smile. “Haru,” she amends. “You know you’re welcome here whenever you like.” 

Haruka steps into his trainers, picks up his backpack and the orca. “Makoto’s going to walk me over. Is it okay if he stays a bit?”

 Its sad, how not even having constant parental attention could cure Haruka of his dependency on the doll. Mayumi wonders if she could have done more, and it’s nearly impossible to press down the wave of guilt that surges when she looks into Haruka’s solemn blue eyes. 

“Haru-kun…” She means to ask if he’s sure he wants to do this, to let him know he doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want to, but she knows nothing she says will change Haruka’s mind once he’s made a decision. So she embraces him, places a kiss to his temple. “You take care of yourself.” 

‘ ‘ ‘

Haruka eats dinner alone. 

Haruka brushes his teeth alone. 

Haruka goes to sleep alone. 

Haruka wakes up alone. 

After the constant noise of the Tachibana household, the stillness of Haruka’s own house scares him a little, but he's sixteen years old and he has to be an adult now and take care of himself. No one else is going to, and he promised everyone that he’d be able to do it. 

He makes the bed alone, he cooks breakfast alone, and he cleans up afterwards alone. 

Then he goes upstairs and takes a long bath alone. 

He doesn't know how long he lays there, soaking and soaking and praying for something to fill the aching hole in his chest, but when a voice calls his name the water has gone cold and his skin is pruned. 

 _Haru-chan, you shouldn’t stay in the tub that long._ _You’ll get sick._  

Someone always used to tell him the same thing. Maybe Tachibana-san, maybe his grandmother. There’s no one there to tell him now. How lonely this house is. How very lonely. 

 _Haru-chan._

Haruka blinks at the hand in front of his face. It's bigger than his own, the skin slightly more tanned. He follows it up to a young face and familiar, smiling green eyes. 

"Makoto," he breathes. 

Makoto laughs softly. _Good morning, Haru-chan._  

He takes Haruka's hand and lifts him effortlessly out of the tub. He dries him off with a towel from the rack, and pulls out a fresh pair of clothes from the drawer for Haruka to change into. Haruka watches him the entire time in a strange sort of wonder, because something isn't right about this - but why would that be? Makoto has always been there for him, ever since he was a baby, taking care of him. 

After he's dressed for school - done with his all-black days of mourning - Makoto holds the front door open for him. _Let's go, Haru-chan._ He takes Haruka's hand. 

Haruka blushes. "Lay off the -chan," he says, and life goes on as normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All chapter titles coincide with a track on the Free! OST, "Ever Blue Sounds," that I feel highlights the tone.
> 
> Thanks for reading~! If you're feeling generous, please leave a commet. We'd love to hear your thoughts or suggestions!


	4. strong rival team

There's no denying Haruka Nanase is an amazing swimmer. He moves through the water with the grace of someone born into it, and at a speed that would strike even most professionals green with envy. There's such fluidity to the crest of his arms, such grace in the way his legs carry him to the surface. He's a genius, and an absolute wonder to observe. 

None of this changes the fact, however, that Haruka Nanase is the craziest person Seijuuro Mikoshiba has ever met. 

Seriously, like one hundred percent off his rocker. Seijuuro swears the kid must be part fish, not just because of his natural talent but also because he seems to have no clue how to function as a proper human being on land. Sure, he's still graceful, but put him in front of a crowd and it's almost painful. He doesn't nervously clam up or anything, it's more like he just never knows what to say - and when he does say something, it's typically either a vague one-word response or cringe worthy attempt at humor. 

Seijuuro used to chalk it up to shyness, or a desire to impress his peers - some people just don't know how to interact in social situations, and Haruka's always been a bit of a loner so that doesn't help - but now he isn't so sure. Haruka avoids talking to anyone if he doesn't have to, and seems to distance himself from any kind of human contact on top of that. 

Bottom line is that the kid is kind of a freak. Behind his back the other students call him _‘dolphin boy’_ and ‘ _schizoid,’_ and practically once a month the swim team's supervisor Amakata-sensei has to scold someone for imitating Haruka's strange habit of rapidly stripping in the presence of even the shallowest body of water. 

The rest of the student body considers it a blessing Haruka keeps to himself, but Seijuuro can't help but think of it as an awful waste of potential. Not only is he an amazing swimmer, but he's a good-looking guy, too. Half the girls in school had a crush on him when he first entered the high school, mistaking his blank expression and antisocial attitude for cool stoicism and intentional aloofness. 

So Seijuuro feels bad for the kid. He thinks, maybe he can help draw Haruka out of his shell. Maybe if Haruka becomes part of the swim team - and he's certainly talented enough to pass try-outs - he can make some friends and move on past this weird stage he's trapped in. 

In the spring semester of his second year (Haruka's first year) he asks for the first time, "Come to swim try-outs?"

Haruka barely spares him a glance. "Can't," he says. 

Seijuuro's expression falls. "Why not? You're really good. You'd definitely make it, if that's what you're afraid of." 

"It's not. I just don't want to." 

"But don't you like to swim? The team is great. We went to Nationals last year." They didn't win, but still! 

"I only swim Free," Haruka interrupts. 

What the hell is that supposed to mean? "Like freestyle?" Seijuuro asks.

 Haruka is already walking away.

 The next year, Seijuuro confronts him again. This time Haruka gives him a strange, almost insulted look. 

"Why would I do that?" he demands. 

Seijuuro shifts uncomfortably on his feet, wishes he knew why Haruka seems so offended by the suggestion. He's just trying to be nice, and Haruka's always sneaking into the school pool after hours anyways so why won't he just join the team? "Because you're really good. You'd definitely be an asset to us." 

Haruka shakes his head quickly. "I couldn't do that to the team." 

"Do what?" Seijuuro grins and reaches out to hook an arm around Haruka's shoulder. "Help us out?" 

Haruka stiffens and ducks away. "You don't need my help. You already have Rin." 

Seijuuro raises an eyebrow. "What? Haruka-" 

"Don't call me that."

 Haruka backs away, but Seijuuro follows. "Nanase-kun, then," he tries again. His mouth drops open when Haruka slaps his outstretched hand away. 

"I'm not leaving my team. Please stop asking me." 

And so, Seijuuro does.

 

‘ ‘ ‘

 

"Does Nanase-kun belong to a swim team?" 

Amakata-sensei is always looking after Haruka in school, making sure none of the other students bother him. There are clearly special circumstances concerning his situation that only she knows the full extent of. He's not asking her to divulge those details, but he would like to understand Haruka better if he can. Haruka is always so alone; Seijuuro likes the idea of him maybe belonging to a team, having friends outside the school because at least that means he has _someone._

 Amakata-sensei sets down her pen.  "I don't believe so." At his pensive frown, she elaborates. "The youth swimming club was shut down a few years ago, so I don't see how he could be if he's not on the school team." 

Seijuuro nods. That's what he'd been thinking as well. But then what was Haruka talking about, not wanting to do that to his team? 

Abandoning the pretense of grading papers, Amakata-sensei stands from her desk. Her eyebrows knit together in worry. "Did... did Nanase-kun say something to you?" 

The hesitation in her voice alarms him. It's like she already knows the answer - as if this has happened before, many times. For a moment Seijuuro doesn't know how to respond, if he should be honest with her or not. He doesn't want to get Haruka into any trouble, but at the same time he's genuinely worried. Something is definitely not right with Haruka, and it's not anything as simple as introversion or a weird sense of humor. 

He shrugs. "I thought he said something about a team, but maybe I misheard him." 

Amakata-sensei purses her lips. "It is wise to disclose that which cannot be concealed," she says after a moment. "Johann Friedrich von Schiller said that." 

Seijuuro remembers her eccentric habit of pulling random famous quotes out of thin air. When she'd been his homeroom teacher he'd found it amusing, but now it's just another riddle he doesn't know how to figure out. "Amakata-sensei?" 

"It's good that you told me, Mikoshiba-kun, even if it was just a misunderstanding." She pauses, takes in a deep breath. "Did he say anything else?" 

"Uh," Seijuuro scratches the back of his neck. "Someone named... Rin, I think?" 

"Ah. So Rin is back then." 

"Do you know her?" Does she go to their school? Why does Haruka think she's on their swim team?

 "I'm very familiar with Rin, yes," she answers, and Seijuuro is relieved. Until she adds, "though I've never actually met him." 

Again warning bells sound in Seijuuro's mind. Something wrong indeed - very, very wrong. Did all the teachers know, or just Amakata-sensei? 

"I would appreciate very much if you keep this information to yourself, Mikoshiba-kun," Amakata-sensei says. 

Seijuuro can tell from the subtle aura she exudes that it's not a request at all. He leaves the classroom silently and tries not to dwell on what he's learned. Of course it's no use. The words drift back and forth through his mind, lonely and incomprehensible. His friends ask him if he's not feeling well. True to his promise he doesn't breathe a word about Haruka or the mystery of Rin. If nothing else, he can keep this secret.

**Author's Note:**

> Co-created by WinterierLionheart from Fanfic.net, who I sadly can't tag on here yet. xD; 
> 
> This whole story was based on a late-night conversation between WinterierLionheart and me, which started off somewhere along the lines of, "Haruka is such a weirdo, how does he have actual friends?" and evolved into this. 
> 
> Can't promise how frequent updates will be. We'll write as we're inspired. ^_^


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